Hello Loves
"That's just who I am."
-Iron Man
mlb:

Start it up. Oh, Hunter Pence did. 

loser-fish:

Today in biology the teacher asked “why do chromosomes have to stick together?” And I whispered “because they’re bromosomes” and the guy next to me just about died laughing

animedavidbowie:

By now you all know that a lot of gay sex went on in ancient Greece, but did you know it was viewed as the only true ideal love “between equals” because women were second class citizens
Because yeah, the gay sex happened on pretty misogynistic terms
I can’t believe the Greeks invented white misogynistic gays

ignitionremix:

lorde got famous in like two days that’s what’s going to happen to me when I finally get my mariachi band together

rlmjob:

okay but this one is all too real

idkhumor:

today a kid said “think of anyone in your life- whether they’re a celebrity, teacher, relative, someone you admire greatly. then remember that they have all, at one point in their life, has had explosive diarrhea”

and I think that’s beautiful

theredbookofwesteros:

quinnfabary:

I think my dad heard me crying cause he just cracked open my door and slid a piece of cake on the floor into my room

 

deardeerling:

in west narnia born and raisedthrough the wardrobe was where i spent most of my days

gcoky:

babyferaligator:

deaf people use sign language because actions speak louder than words

and all this time i thought it was because they couldn’t hear

hitmeupscotty:

sushinfood:

tangeledinthegreatescape:

Twinkle twinkle little slut
Name a guy you haven’t fucked.
Was he skinny?
Was he tall?
Nevermind you did them all.
Twinkle twinkle little bitch
Close your legs it smells like fish.

Twinkle twinkle little shit
Try to think of this a bit:
Does it affect
You at all
Who has sex or none at all?
No it doesn’t, little shit,
Shut your fucking mouth you twit.

image

  • (I work the floor at an independently-owned menswear store. The owner, my boss, spends a lot of time at the shop, and tries to keep prices as low as possible to help our city’s large homeless population get good job interview clothes. A clearly homeless man is wandering around the store. The other patrons are giving him looks.)
  • Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”
  • Me: “Yes, ma’am?”
  • Customer: “I think you may want to call security. That… bum over there, he keeps feeling the suits and muttering to himself. I’m just sure he’s planning to steal one.”
  • Me: “Well, ma’am, I think that’s quite unlikely.”
  • Customer: “Oh, come on, you know how they are! I mean, I’d keep an eye on him even if he wasn’t homeless!”
  • (The homeless man in question happens to be Hispanic.)
  • Me: “We don’t discriminate here, ma’am.”
  • Customer: “Well, I’m sure the owner would want to hear about this!”
  • (I give in and call him over. The customer explains her concerns. As a black man, my boss isn’t happy with her racism, but agrees to talk to the homeless man.)
  • Owner: “Excuse me, sir, are you finding what you need?”
  • Homeless Man: “Well, not really. I’m hoping for something versatile in a dark or navy wool, but most of the options in my size are cut American style instead of European, which fits me a little better. Not to mention they’re all pinstriped, which I really don’t have the build for, you know?”
  • Owner: “I… yes, I understand. I think we may have some options over here, if you’ll follow me. How did you know all that?”
  • Homeless Man: “Back before I lost my job, I used to be really into this stuff. I’m not looking for anything fancy, just something I can use to look good for a job interview later today.”
  • (My boss helps him find something he likes, and comes to the counter with him. The suit is priced at $87.)
  • Homeless Man: *digging in his pockets* “Hang on, I think I’ve got enough.”
  • Owner: *to me* “Take my card. I’m buying it for him.” *to the homeless man* “Here. The suit’s yours, on one condition. After your interview today, you come back and apply for a job here too. Got it?”
  • Homeless Man: “I… oh my God, thank you. Thank you so much.”
  • (Two years later, that formerly-homeless man is my manager, and has a little girl with his new wife—the owner’s sister.)

kanyesianeconomics:

things that are cute:

  • when girls put their hair up in messy buns and there are a bunch of stray hairs hanging around their face/back of their neck
  • when girls wear beanies
  • when girls wear backwards baseball caps
  • when girls do literally anything ever
  • girls

mormondad:

if you see a plus sign next to my url when someone reblogged something from me click on it and you will become a millionaire trust me this is not a scam